I have never
once in my entire life been asked nicely to leave the toilet seat in
some specific position.
It seems as if it is some sort of rule that women cannot simply request
this of someone, they have to break into a song-like rant, spitting
obscenities and shaking their finger at you. I by no means wish to clump ALL women into this group. I am not leaving out the possibility that only women Iassociate
with have this problem. So basically, when I refer to "women" in this
little rant, take it with a grain of salt. You know who you are....those women...
Recently, while watching "Bill Cosby Himself" with my girlfriend, I noted that during a joke he was doing, he said something about leaving the toilet lid down
as being a bad thing. My girlfriend explained, while glaring at me,
that leaving the lid and the seat down is just as bad if not worse than
leaving both of them up.
This is apparently due to the fact that when one has to pee, they plop
down on the lid, cannot tell that it is down and begin to pee on the lid.
So as a male, apparently I am expected to make up for this deficiency by making sure that the lid is always left in the correct position.
In the interest of not falling into the toilet and/or urinating on myself, I always make sure to look before I sit down. I find the concept of "not looking" interesting. How exactly does one not see the condition of the toilet before sitting on it? The only solutions I have been able to come up with on my own (since females seem uninterested or unable to tell me) are these:
Women enter the bathroom with their eyes closed or while staring at the ceiling.
Women open the bathroom door and then proceed to back into the bathroom using their rear-end to locate the toilet.
One time, when I was about seven, my skinny little ass
fell into the toilet because I had left the toilet seat and lid up.
Having no girth to speak of I fell right in and dipped my bare hiney in
the cold (yet thankfully clean) toilet water. This was not only embarrassing but uncomfortable as well. Since that day, I have never fallen into or even come close to falling into the toilet. Might I also remind everyone that men sit down, too.
Personally in the comfort of my own home (where the toilet seat is
relatively clean), I rather prefer sitting down due to the fact that it
is plainly less taxing and requires no aiming or standing (not that
aiming and standing are all that big a task, I am just lazy).
This rant isn't due to the fact that I am unwilling to help women with this admitted deficiency. Rather, I find it infuriating
that because women are seemingly unable to check to make sure that the
toilet seat is down, they take this anger out on me. It becomes my
deficiency, I am less of a person because I cannot remember to put the
seat down/lid up. I can understand the embarrassment of urinating on
ones self and or falling into a toilet, but getting angry with someone
else because you did something foolish is rather immature. In some Asiatic/Middle-eastern countries, they have unisex restrooms where they squat over holes in the ground and "wipe" by splashing water on themselves. I propose a compromise, you may keep complaining and we men shall suffer it for about 10 minutes before taking a hack saw and simply removing the source of debate. Problem solved, you must now "hover".
